dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
