your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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