I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
