all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
