I think im going to throw up on grandma
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
