You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
