Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
