drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
