Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
