Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
