i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
