WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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