Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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