I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
