So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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