Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
