My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
