White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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