Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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