I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
