jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
