I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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