youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
