I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
