We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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