Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
