they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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