oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
