Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
