either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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