Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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