watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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