Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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