Don't you send me to vm
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
