that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
