Kiss
Puke
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
