ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
