he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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