you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
