every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
