I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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