the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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