She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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