I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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