I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
