Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
