Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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