If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
