he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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