Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
